Image by Igor Ferreira on Unsplash
As an Eurasian woman born and bred in South Asia, falling in love was never one of my highest priorities. Chalk it up to the Asian school system, but it was drilled into me from a pretty young age that the most important thing in life was being well educated and having a good job.
Romance? Oh, that was just something to be read about or watched on TV.
In that sense, coming to the Netherlands was as much of a shock to the system as experiencing snowfall for the first time. However, the years I’ve spent here have given me a deeper appreciation for how the Dutch handle dating and relationships.
Below are three things about dating in the Netherlands that I’ve grown to really appreciate.
Disclaimer: This article involves personal opinions from the point of view of an Eurasian woman exploring the Dutch dating scene. This is not intended to be seen as a jab at either the Netherlands or South Asia, nor is it intended to be taken as a generalisation of how all individuals from these parts of the world date or behave.
1. Equality isn’t just a buzzword in the Netherlands
A common complaint from many of my international friends is that men in the Netherlands just WON’T pay for them on a first date. Like getting drunk at a funeral or proposing at a wedding, this is one of those things that seems to get side-eyed when it happens, but shit-talked for ages afterwards.
While I do admit that it’s nice to be wined and dined, there’s something incredibly freeing about going on a date with a man that doesn’t think paying for a meal entitles them to your body or your time.
In fact, since coming to the Netherlands, playing the dating game here, and then meeting my current significant other, my definition of what it is to be “romanced” has undergone a full-on shift.
To me now, the beauty of a level playing field where both men and women put equal effort into romancing each other just can’t be overstated.
Image by Lia Underground
2. The Dutch are just less hung up on looks
In my neck of the woods (or… well, my very urban hometown), people seem to expect women to doll themselves up like they’re off to a modelling interview at 11am, judging a beauty pageant at 2pm, and hosting Asia’s Got Talent at 7pm.
Add to that the colourism that runs rampant in several South Asian communities, where you’re either fetishised for your lighter skin tone (as I was) or looked down on for being dark (as was the fate of many of my friends), and you suddenly end up even more turned off by the idea of dating.
Now, don’t get me wrong — this doesn’t apply to ALL South Asian communities and there’s nothing strange about wanting your partner to look their best, within the bounds of what they’re comfortable with.
However, societal expectations to look a certain way (or else there’s something “wrong” with you that needs to be “fixed”) are foolish at best and downright toxic at worst.
The dating scene in the Netherlands doesn’t prioritise looks to such an extent and… honestly? That’s deeply romantic.
3. No beating around the bush? That’s sexy!
It bears repeating: directness is the name of the game, and the Dutch absolutely excel at it.
There’s no point in playing coy or hoping to sail into a relationship on hints alone, as dating in the Netherlands involves being very upfront about your feelings. (Or, y’know, risk losing what could’ve been a loving and/or sexually fulfilling relationship.)
Whilst Dutch directness often gets a bad rap online, the way in which they value open communication is abso-bloody-lutely amazing.
You needn’t play the “I wonder what they think of me?” or “I wonder if we’re a couple yet?” game, because the social barrier that makes those questions awkward has essentially been torn down.
And yes, open communication in the dating or relationship stage is very romantic.
Has your definition of romance ever changed? Who (or what? 👀) caused the shift?
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